I walked into CLC as an atheist and didn’t believe that there was a loving God let alone God’s son and Holy Spirit. In fact, I mockingly used to call Christians ‘happy clappers’. Although it seemed on the surface that I had everything that the world considers ‘key to happiness’ (university degree, professional job, boyfriends, new car and expensive holidays) there was emptiness inside of me, hunger for something that I was unable to identify.
I used to wake up not knowing whether it was worth getting up for anything anymore. The only ‘pleasures’ I had were things like comfort eating. parties, casual affairs… You name it… Life itself seemed ‘utterly meaningless’, sometimes I spent whole days hiding in bed asleep and lost the ability to focus on work. The world would call this ‘depressed’. Now I know I was a lost sheep.
Since I was 14 I always had relationships with men to fulfil the need to be ‘loved and protected’. I appeared independent but spiritually and emotionally men became a substitution for my absent father. Despite constantly being in relationships I had never felt truly loved or even worthy to be loved.
I spent my life escaping from childhood traumas and feelings of inadequacy trying to prove to the world that I am somebody. I became a total workaholic and never realized that I was just running away from myself, like a child on a rocking horse – trying hard going nowhere. I ran away from the Czech Republic to Oxford. But then I ran away from Oxford as well, until God brought me to CLC where I saw myself in the real mirror.
In CLC the Holy Spirit revealed the Truth to me – I found my real Father. I was still kicking, screaming and sinning but I felt my last chance was to give my life to Jesus at the healing conference in 2015. Since then my life has turned around completely. I am God’s daughter and in His eyes I am beautiful, gifted and intelligent.
I Was freed from bondage of sin and filled with peace and joy. Most importantly, I wake up every morning eager to serve God who protects me and rewards me with showers of blessings. I learnt to live without men’s attention and listen to God’s voice instead.
If I put anyone or anything else where God belongs, I remain dead. God’s unconditional love and constant presence saves me from guilt. fear and condemnation. The Czech Republic is one of the most atheist countries in the world.
Now the game has turned around and I am mocked for becoming a ‘happy clappy’. But I know that before I became a ‘happy clappy’ I was very ‘snappy’ and my life was \crappy’. Glory be to God.
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